I don't know what went wrong. Everything was going so smoothly. The first film was what it was, a starting place, then we had two amazing Bond films but then we get to Thunderball. Now I had heard that this was one of the lesser Bond films. Naturally every film has people who love it and people who hate it, and unfortunately I fall heavily into the hate category on this one. Maybe hate is a strong word, but I was so incredibly bored during the entire run of this film that I could barely follow what was happening. The production on this movie also felt so much like a step backwards that it pulled me out of the film like the others hadn't. Coming off of Goldfinger I was hyped for more Sean Connery as Bond, but now I'm getting anxious to move on.
So right from the opening scene I suspected trouble. We get a pointless ruse with a coffin that has JB on it and we are supposed to think that Bond is in it, but then less than five seconds later we see Bond and someone literally says "JB, those are your initials" and this is just some poor writing right from the start. Then we get a fight scene with a man dressed as a woman, that's right something out of a cartoon, that could have been interesting but there's a lot of unnecessary sped up action to make things look faster and more impactful then they are. Don't worry, this is something we will see a lot of in this movie. Then we get the jet-pack escape. Okay, Bond movies are notorious for taking what ever is the newest coolest idea and putting it into the films, but the jet-pack honestly hurts this scene. I would have rather have seen Bond fight his way out then take a jet-pack about a hundred feet to a car (that then sprays really bad looking CG water at guys to knock them over, one of which has to walk into the stream since he's not in the right place) just waiting for him to take off. Then the most abrupt entry into the opening theme song I have ever seen. Easily the worst cold open for a Bond film so far.
The villains plot is pretty standard. Steal a couple of bombs and bribe the US and British governments for money. I have a few problems here. The way they go about this first of all is just insane. They have a man get facial reconstruction surgery to look like one of the men on the plane carrying the bombs so he can crash the plane where they need it. Then nothing really every happens. There's just a lot of looking for bombs but there's never really any danger. The bombs are hidden away the whole time and are never in any threat of being used. This kind of makes it hard to care or worry about anything because there's no immediate threat of danger. The main villain Largo is also just completely uninteresting and maybe one of the dumbest Bond villains to date. He knows who Bond is but they keep running into each other and he even offers up Bond his niece to take on dates. Even Bond spends needless time running into Largo. At one point Bond is flying a helicopter around Largo's house, in broad daylight, while Largo is watching, and then shows up at his house for a chat afterwards! Everyone knows who everyone is, this all seems very pointless. Through the whole movie Bond is constantly putting himself in contact with all of these people who work for SPECTRE and is somehow still surprised when a trap is sprung. This film just needed more espionage and less flirting with the enemy.
Most of the film was shot in the Bahamas and I assume most of the budget must have went to scouting locations because a lot of the other production looks awful. The green screen in the boat scenes (especially the sped up green screen at end fight) Just looks terrible and hardly matches what's going on in the scene perfect enough. There aren't many gadgets worth mentioning in the film but I did very much like the breathing device, which does resurface in another later (and again horrible) Bond film. When I said most of this movie takes place in the Bahamas, I should have been more specific and said most of it takes place underwater in the Bahamas because I would say 90% of this movie has Bond with no pants and just swim trunks, swimming around somewhere. If you ever wanted to know what Bond was like in the water then this movie is for you! We get plenty of underwater action and even a giant scuba battle at the end which is serviceable but ultimately kind of boring. It's hard to tell who anyone is and it's weirdly silent, opting for no score during this scene, which honestly at this point was fine by me because there is one theme for being underwater in this movie and it's a song we hear so much that by the end, no score was better than hearing that again. One thing I do want to point out though is this is the first significant amount of blood in a bond film and I believe the first time Bond takes a bullet in the series. If I missed a time he was shot feel free to remind me.
One thing I've noticed with Sean Connery is that his Bond is sounding more and more Scottish with each film and in this one it was the most noticeable. I know Connery was getting pretty screwed through his tenure as Bond as far as getting very little pay increases despite the movies making hundreds of millions at the box office. I get the feeling he started to care less and less because of his deal with the studios. The Bond girls this time around are, as usual, beautiful and more serviceable to the plot than they were in Goldfinger, though I doubt I will remember either of them past this film. Though I did like when Fiona called him "Mr. Bond James Bond." Adorable.
This was a hard watch and I think even Dr. No was a far superior film. As these movies are all time capsules for their era, I have a hard time thinking anyone who saw this film in 1965 could have possibly thought it was better than any of the previous Bond films. Everything is just so cartoony in this film, right down to the pool of sharks that Largo keeps at his house, and even to the sound effects of the underwater scenes. I wish I had more to say about this film because I know there are people out there who probably do love it, but I just can't see myself ever watching it again. I give Thunderball one star out of five.
James Bond will return in You Only Live Twice.
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