Oh Sean Connery, I really took you for granted. I admit I was getting pretty tired of Sean Connery, who was caring less and less, as Bond but after suffering through Lazenby I was happy to be back to someone more suited for the role. Honestly he felt more into it this time around too but maybe that was because it was one film and Connery receive a record making (for the time) 1.2 million dollar salary. That's 6 billion dollars today because that's how inflation works right? Well coming off of On Her Majesty's Secret Service Bond was in a dark place. He had a grueling battle with his arch nemesis only to have him return and kill his wife on their wedding day, only for the film to abruptly end before we see Bond getting any revenge. A dark (kinda awesome) and odd ending for a major film. I can't imagine how audiences at the time reacted to it and I assume it didn't help the reviews any because at least for us we have hindsight and know there's a next film. Back then they had to wait and see what happened. Now we enter Diamonds Are Forever.
I've heard a lot of mixed feelings on this film, either a love it or hate it relationship mostly, and I can say from the beginning I was skeptical. This movie has one of the strangest openings I've ever seen and comes off almost like a cartoon. We open with Bond on a revenge spree trying to track down Blofeld. I love that they didn't mess around and went right into Bond wants revenge, even though we get no mention of his dead wife or anything like that. For all we know Bond wants to kill Blofeld because he ruined his coffee maker. Good thing we saw the last film. The director decides to not show us Bond's face until he's well into his fist punching for information so we get a lot of awkward scenes of bad looking punches and reactions. Maybe this was to offset the idea that it wasn't Lazenby anymore so there may be some disconnect. This all leads to just one ridiculous moment. We now have another new looking Blofeld due to some extensive plastic surgery, and this is probably my favorite incarnation of the character. I like his look and hes the most competent, but then Bond automatically drowns him in this mud he's laying in. Then we find out that Bond only killed a double so then he has to kill the real Blofeld by throwing him into a steaming mud pit. This is just a ridiculous opening and we might as well skip ahead (assuming you've seen the movie) and say that this is all pointless since Blofeld ends up being the main villain of the movie anyway. Bond kills two body doubles in the beginning and even at the end we get another body double with the real Blofeld. I just don't see the point in the opening swerve. You could argue that yeah you think Blofeld is dead and won't be in this movie but the end throws all of that out the window. Though I do really like the banter with the two Blofelds at the end despite them using the same trick they already did earlier in the movie. The ending encounter in the Whyte House is great. Let me just say this though, I'm more willing to believe in DNA Therapy than all this plastic surgery. We'll get there.
Honestly I actually really enjoyed this film. A lot more than I ever thought I would given its reputation. I know it's the last official Connery (I will be watching Never Say Never Again when I get to it's release year) and I know the Roger Moore films deal more in the camp and silliness that I'm not a huge fan of so maybe it was just Connery's last hoorah that made me like the film so much but I think there is plenty of enjoyable moments and aspects. The first thing I'd like to point out are the henchman Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd. These two guys are weird and creepy and I love them. Two great henchman and while they are stated as being homosexual in the book they don't specify in the film but it's clear there's something going on with these two. Their sideways glances and just the way they talk to each other, it's clear love is in the air. One character I did have issues with was the Bond girl Tiffany Case. Actually both Bond girls were fairly intolerable. Plenty O'Toole is rather pointless to the plot other than looking beautiful and uh . . . plenty. Tiffany Case is serviceable but honestly has some of the worst lines I've ever heard. Her whole distraction dialogue at the gas station is awful and telling a small child to blow up his pants? What? What does that even mean?! She plays her character well but there really isn't much character there. Even Bond calls her a stupid twit which is kind of a funny moment. She also has a very pointless scene with Q (who she just inexplicably knows?) as he is committing crimes in Vegas casinos.Maybe Q was the real villain all along!
This might be the first time since Goldfinger that a villains plan actually gets anywhere in the grand scheme of things which was kind of nice. However this also marks the about the third time in a row that we end the film with one army battling another army on an awesome super villain base, this time an oil rig. These are all great scenes and this one is easily in my top list but it's starting to feel repetitive. It didn't top the last one however in On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Blofeld's plan this time is to hold the world hostage and have a nuclear superpower auction. He creates a laser satellite using stolen diamonds and starts destroying nuclear deposits in different parts of the world. It's an interesting plan and he actually gets quite far into it before Bond is able to stop him. However it does give us a lot of bad visual effects. The action in this film works better when it's more personal like the awesome fist fight in the elevator and the two gymnastic girls near the end, which is an idea I love and would love to see tried in the modern era because these girls couldn't pull it off together. Also I just want to point out that Bond driving away in a moon rover is just ridiculous and why is that there?!
There is plenty of bad stuff in this film. A lot of bad visual effects, some horrible American stereotyped characters, and plenty of horrible dialogue to go around. On top of all of that though, there is a solid plot that never gets too far in the realm of ridiculous, Connery feels more earnest this time, and there are some decent spy moments. Bond climbing the tower was a cool moment and even gave me a little anxiety (I don't like heights.) This actually seemed like a movie to stay away from if you have some phobias. In this film Bond gets locked in a coffin and almost burned alive, buried alive underground, and hangs from the top of a tower by ropes. It's amazing what he survives in this film, especially with an older Connery.
Overall I give Diamonds Are Forever a three out of five. This isn't a great Bond film but I found it entertaining. This feels like one that's harder to love for a lot of fans, and I can't really explain how it clicked with me but I never felt bored and actively liked a lot of things going on in this film. I know I haven't talked about any of the theme songs really but I would like to point out that this is one of the ones I really enjoy. There are a lot of bad things with the script and production, but overall it's an okay film that I would possibly give another shot but wouldn't miss it if it never crossed my path again.
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