007 Journals: Thunderball

I don't know what went wrong. Everything was going so smoothly. The first film was what it was, a starting place, then we had two amazing Bond films but then we get to Thunderball. Now I had heard that this was one of the lesser Bond films. Naturally every film has people who love it and people who hate it, and unfortunately I fall heavily into the hate category on this one. Maybe hate is a strong word, but I was so incredibly bored during the entire run of this film that I could barely follow what was happening. The production on this movie also felt so much like a step backwards that it pulled me out of the film like the others hadn't. Coming off of Goldfinger I was hyped for more Sean Connery as Bond, but now I'm getting anxious to move on.

So right from the opening scene I suspected trouble. We get a pointless ruse with a coffin that has JB on it and we are supposed to think that Bond is in it, but then less than five seconds later we see Bond and someone literally says "JB, those are your initials" and this is just some poor writing right from the start. Then we get a fight scene with a man dressed as a woman, that's right something out of a cartoon, that could have been interesting but there's a lot of unnecessary sped up action to make things look faster and more impactful then they are. Don't worry, this is something we will see a lot of in this movie. Then we get the jet-pack escape. Okay, Bond movies are notorious for taking what ever is the newest coolest idea and putting it into the films, but the jet-pack honestly hurts this scene. I would have rather have seen Bond fight his way out then take a jet-pack about a hundred feet to a car (that then sprays really bad looking CG water at guys to knock them over, one of which has to walk into the stream since he's not in the right place) just waiting for him to take off. Then the most abrupt entry into the opening theme song I have ever seen. Easily the worst cold open for a Bond film so far.

The villains plot is pretty standard. Steal a couple of bombs and bribe the US and British governments for money. I have a few problems here. The way they go about this first of all is just insane. They have a man get facial reconstruction surgery to look like one of the men on the plane carrying the bombs so he can crash the plane where they need it. Then nothing really every happens. There's just a lot of looking for bombs but there's never really any danger. The bombs are hidden away the whole time and are never in any threat of being used. This kind of makes it hard to care or worry about anything because there's no immediate threat of danger. The main villain Largo is also just completely uninteresting and maybe one of the dumbest Bond villains to date. He knows who Bond is but they keep running into each other and he even offers up Bond his niece to take on dates. Even Bond spends needless time running into Largo. At one point Bond is flying a helicopter around Largo's house, in broad daylight, while Largo is watching, and then shows up at his house for a chat afterwards! Everyone knows who everyone is, this all seems very pointless. Through the whole movie Bond is constantly putting himself in contact with all of these people who work for SPECTRE and is somehow still surprised when a trap is sprung. This film just needed more espionage and less flirting with the enemy.

Most of the film was shot in the Bahamas and I assume most of the budget must have went to scouting locations because a lot of the other production looks awful. The green screen in the boat scenes (especially the sped up green screen at end fight) Just looks terrible and hardly matches what's going on in the scene perfect enough. There aren't many gadgets worth mentioning in the film but I did very much like the breathing device, which does resurface in another later (and again horrible) Bond film. When I said most of this movie takes place in the Bahamas, I should have been more specific and said most of it takes place underwater in the Bahamas because I would say 90% of this movie has Bond with no pants and just swim trunks, swimming around somewhere. If you ever wanted to know what Bond was like in the water then this movie  is for you! We get plenty of underwater action and even a giant scuba battle at the end which is serviceable but ultimately kind of boring. It's hard to tell who anyone is and it's weirdly silent, opting for no score during this scene, which honestly at this point was fine by me because there is one theme for being underwater in this movie and it's a song we hear so much that by the end, no score was better than hearing that again. One thing I do want to point out though is this is the first significant amount of blood in a bond film and I believe the first time Bond takes a bullet in the series. If I missed a time he was shot feel free to remind me.

One thing I've noticed with Sean Connery is that his Bond is sounding more and more Scottish with each film and in this one it was the most noticeable. I know Connery was getting pretty screwed through his tenure as Bond as far as getting very little pay increases despite the movies making hundreds of millions at the box office. I get the feeling he started to care less and less because of his deal with the studios. The Bond girls this time around are, as usual, beautiful and more serviceable to the plot than they were in Goldfinger, though I doubt I will remember either of them past this film. Though I did like when Fiona called him "Mr. Bond James Bond." Adorable.

This was a hard watch and I think even Dr. No was a far superior film. As these movies are all time capsules for their era, I have a hard time thinking anyone who saw this film in 1965 could have possibly thought it was better than any of the previous Bond films. Everything is just so cartoony in this film, right down to the pool of sharks that Largo keeps at his house, and even to the sound effects of the underwater scenes. I wish I had more to say about this film because I know there are people out there who probably do love it, but I just can't see myself ever watching it again. I give Thunderball one star out of five.

James Bond will return in You Only Live Twice.

007 Journals: Goldfinger

So Bond had been wildly popular with the first two films so now it was time to make their first blockbuster James Bond film and this time with a budget bigger than the last two films' combined. Enter Goldfinger. Now just a heads up, this was the first film I took notes for so this could be a little more in depth or nitpicky, but either way it will probably be a longer read than my previous articles. Right away I will say Goldfinger exceeded my expectations even more so than the last film. Now I knew I was moving into Bond blockbuster territory and we are getting into the more silly aspects of Bond, with all of the crazy gadgets and even more rampant womanizing. Let's just get this out of the way now. The misogyny in this movie is at an all time high. Bond uses a woman as a human shield (I let that one slide since she was a bad guy), but then slaps a woman on the ass and says "Man talk", and then he turns a lesbian (though never stated as such but in the novel she was) by forcing a kiss on her. Not to mention the opening titles being scantly dressed gold painted women and the all blonde sexy female (probably all single too) airplane team. The general idea here was "Appeal to the bigger audience with more hot women!" Boy weren't the 60's fun to be a woman?!

The film opens with Bond seemingly enjoying a holiday but we are quickly introduced to Auric Goldfinger (great name), who may be one of my new favorite Bond villains. We learn right away that Auric is a man who doesn't like to lose and his evil scheme might be one of the best thought plans, though not the smartest executed. Auric is not a stupid Bond villain. I love the conversations and back and forth quips he has with Bond. He doesn't have that cheesy Bond moment where he tells his whole plan instead of killing him when he has the chance, although he does let him live in the laser situation but it's not to tell him his plan. He actually is very dismissive of Bond and they make him releasing Bond actually believable. He has an imposing bodyguard in Oddjob (the best character in Goldeneye for Nintendo 64) and his silence makes him even more menacing.

Auric's plan is to irradiate the US gold supply in Fort Knox in order to raise the value of his own large gold supply. Fairly genius if you ask me, it makes sense and could actually work. If only the execution was at all possible. I'll throw out the suspension of disbelief to a point. I'd accept them getting into Fort Knox almost any other way, even drilling underground I would have approved of. Flying planes around the area and nearby military base spraying an invisible knockout gas is probably at the bottom of my list of rejected plans. Watching everyone fall down (or in some extras' cases slowly lowering yourself down) immediately after the planes fly by is just ridiculous looking, even if it does just turn out to be a ruse. Everything that takes place after blowing the gate however I'm fine with.

The increased budget and production quality shines through in this film, and just the structure of the plot is better by design. There are way more location shoots this time around versus just using sets and just makes everything look way better. The opening espionage scene stands out and is, out of these first three movies, one of the better examples of Bond just doing spy stuff. Now I've made it clear that I'm not the biggest fan of the gadgetry in this series, and the car in particular is a little excessive in this film, but over all I was fine with everything they introduced. It was our first time getting James going down to Q's lab and getting his equipment run down. These were always fun scenes and even this first time was a great scene. All of the non-car gadgets get used to great effect, but I do have complaints that all of the car gadgets were used in one chase scene and then the car is quickly dispatched. I would have liked to have seen those get spread out a little more through the film because in rapid succession it just seems even more wacky. One thing about the car chase though is how real everything appeared. The stunts looked legitimately dangerous and convincing. Some of the extras diving out of the way even looked like accidents. We even get a car exploding (our second big explosion of the film) which just screams "Blockbuster's need more explosions!" Which raises the question, if they could afford to blow stuff up then why couldn't they afford some better green screens because some of the ones in the beginning at the hotel (why didn't they just shoot all of that on location?) are some of the worst green screens I've ever seen. On the other hand the laser scene actually still looks really good and that scene is tense even today. The famous "Do you expect me to talk?" banter, something I've seen parodied so many times, I expected to be extremely cheesy but actually that entire scene was great and everything just felt so honest. Very interesting to go back to something I know from pop culture and find it just as enjoyable as audiences probably did when it originally came out.

The Bond girls in this film are surprisingly completely inconsequential. Two of them are dispatched very quickly and contribute little to nothing to the advancement of the plot. However we do have one of the more iconic Bond girls, Pussy Galore. I'll never be able to get over that name. Pussy (really?!) is a pretty great character but she comes so late into the movie and honestly doesn't have a lot of screen time. I feel like more time to flesh her out would have been better. Her flip from loving (again more stated in the book) women to loving Bond feels very unearned and is just kind of rapey on Bond's part. Pussy (seriously guys) ends up being a redeemed and saving the day, which is great, but I just wanted more of her in the movie.

Now Auric is smart to a degree for most evil super villains. He never tells Bond his plan outright, he actually has a conceivable plan to begin with, but he does bring Bond along for the ride which instead he should have just left him in jail at his American base. Even Bond's allies make some questionable decisions. For instance they give him a tracking device in case of an emergency they can pinpoint his location, but then when he activates it they literally ignore it and assume that everything is fine and take the wait and see approach. All of this left me just shaking my head. They don't find anything wrong with James hopping oceans to America, but once he's being tracked just driving down a highway, well now it's time to figure out what he's doing.

It might sound like I'm picking this film apart but the truth is that I loved it. Goldfinger is known as THE Bond film and I don't think it's the best (Casino Royale) but if someone asked me which of the old Bond films would be the one to point out as a reference point then I would say Goldfinger. While it has a lot of just odd an silly moments, it has great production (I mean come on guys, Goldfingers rotating pool table and models alone) and is some of the most entertaining action of the Connery Bond films. So far two out of three have been just incredibly enjoyable to me and I'll give Goldfinger a four out of five star rating.

007 Journals: From Russia With Love

Well after watching Dr. No I expected all of the Connery movies to be relics of their era, lost to the modern senses, but From Russia With Love quickly changed my mind. This film holds up way more than I ever expected and is already made a new place in my top five Bond films. Already this film is much darker than the last (and a lot of other Bond films I've seen) and that's what appeals to me the most. This film is essentially everything I look for in a spy film. Subtlety, deception, and a good story. I was surprised that it only took until the second film to blow me away. I thought the series wouldn't find its footing until after a few movies but I can see why this particular film was so successful.

After Bond's success in defeating Dr. No SPECTRE is now looking for revenge. Their plot is to deceive Bond by tricking him into thinking a Russian wants to defect by having a female agent deliver a cryptographic device to Mi6, allowing SPECTRE to steal it for themselves. Enter Tatiana, who is (even by today's standards) strikingly beautiful, and now my second favorite Bond girl (behind Vesper). Bond is dispatched to Turkey where he is partnered with Kerim Bey who is just a great character. Bond also has an assassin on his tail who goes by the name Red, and is Russia's version of Bond. I love the simplicity of the plot (everyone wants to get this machine from the Russians) but there's plenty of twists. The allegiance of Tatiana is in question, and Red tricks Bond into thinking he's Bond's contact in order to get the upper hand. Even the gadgetry in this film is fairly simplistic and realistic. They hadn't yet reached a level of silliness with the gadgets and it made the story feel more like something that could actually happen. In a way this film was ahead of it's time but the realism was left behind immediately in the next film, but we'll get to that next time.

Now there isn't as much action in this film compared to other Bond films but I really appreciate that. It makes the action scenes that do occur that much better and the close quarters fight in the train (and that whole scene in general)  is a highlight of the film. There is also a serviceable boat chase for the finale even though it seems to come out of nowhere with enemies that seem to transport from one part of the world into this chase. It has a real "We need an action scene to end this movie on, what can we do?" but it actually works. These films hadn't reached blockbuster status yet (again, next time) but they were still some of the most compelling pieces of cinema for their time and while I couldn't see it with the first film, this one definitely sold me on the Connery years. Connery was finding his role in the first film and from here on out he just nails it. This is also our first encounter with Desmond Llewelyn as Q. Everyone is just firing on all cylinders (even though some of them are dubbed) and everyone is believable in their role. However, I have a problem with Tatiana. She meets Bond for the first time, already naked in a bed and ready to go. This is probably literally the fastest a Bond girl has ever wanted to bed Bond which is before she even met him. Not only that, but when it comes down to business time she just wants to swoon over Bond. I guess after the first film and the novels and it was established that Bond is a ladies man this director just wanted to push that a little harder but it just came off awkward.

UPDATE: I was reminded that Tatiana was TOLD to make Bond fall in love with her and that the twist is that she actually does. My bad everyone.

From Russia With Love is easily one of the best Bond films and has changed my forward thinking on these early films. I'm more excited to watch Goldfinger which is said to be the quintessential Bond film and was the first blockbuster. This film however has easily slipped into my top five and is something I could easily watch again. I would rate From Russia With Love four stars out of five and I highly recommend it.

Journey Through the History of James Bond. 007 Journals.

My history with James Bond is a scattered one. I grew up in the Brosnan era and therefore he was my favorite Bond. That is until Casino Royale came out. I have seen every Bond from Brosnan to Skyfall but the earlier films escaped me for a long time. I had never seen a Sean Connery Bond film, seen bits and pieces of random Roger Moore films, and never saw either of the Timothy Dalton movies. Now I love James Bond. I've watched the Craig movies multiple times and same with the Brosnan ones but I felt it was time to rectify the gaping whole in my Bond knowledge.

So I started listening to a podcast that I am happy to plug, from the Nerdist network, James Bonding. It's a great podcast hosted by comedians with other film and comedian guests, and they watch all of the Bond films and talk about them. It's a great and fun listen where you can get some interesting thoughts on the films and some crazy trivia. For instance, I didn't know some of the movies had alternate theme songs that weren't in the films. Fascinating stuff. 

I became hooked on James Bonding and I decided to take matters into my own hands. I decided to watch all of the Bond films in order and write about my experience from the point of view of a twenty six year old watching them in 2015. So consider this the introduction to what I am calling my 007 Journals. I thought about taking an alternating order like James Bonding does but if I'm going to do this I want to do it right so I'm going from the first to the last. Hopefully I will finish up Skyfall before Spectre comes out and end the year on the newest one. So I hope you enjoy, I'm sure a lot of people won't agree with everything I have to say about these beloved films but hopefully some can agree and partake in the conversations as well.