007 Journals: For Your Eyes Only

Well this is a movie that I have been struggling with. Moonraker very quickly killed my momentum with these films and with Roger Moore. At this point Roger Moore is just getting older and older (because that's how life works) but it just keeps showing more and more. Honestly it does kind of feel like we are just getting to Bond toward the end of his career. At this point there have been so many movies and we have seen the character evolve. We once again get references to him being married previously with the cold open starting at his dead wife's grave. So maybe it makes sense to keep going with Roger Moore but honestly I feel like the Dalton films should have been a reboot. Even the Brosnan movies could be considered a reboot because we get no mention of Bond's past or his dead wife at that point. I guess that's something to address when we get there though. For now though we focus on Roger Moore's fifth outing as Bond.

Honestly I've been thinking about this movie since I finished it and I feel really conflicted about this one. Moonraker was a really bad James Bond film. Maybe even just a bad film in general. This was actually supposed to be the next Bond film after The Spy Who Loved Me but because of the success of Star Wars we got Moonraker instead. Well Moonraker was of course a financial success but was not well received by critics so the humor and silliness of the series was toned down for this film. At least that's what they claimed but this film still had a lot of jokey moments that brought it down for me. Honestly the whole opening with a faceless Blofeld (who we haven't seen since Diamonds Are Forever) was only saved by the great helicopter stunt. Other than that it seemed rather pointless o bring the character back at all. I honestly thought he was dead after Diamonds Are Forever and I was happy with that. I guess, due to the lawsuit with McClory, Albert Broccoli decided to officially kill off Blofeld early on to prove that the series didn't need Blofeld to be successful but I feel like this could have been accomplished by ignoring the character completely.

So the idea for this movie was to make it feel more grounded in reality. The template was to look at previous successful films such as From Russia With Love and On Her Majesty's Secret Service. This shows mostly in the way that the plot is a direct copy of From Russia With Love. It all revolves around two different sides from the Cold War trying to get a device involved with deciphering codes. While the film rips off the plot of one of my favorite (so far) Bond films it just doesn't pull it off anywhere near as well. Almost this entire movie really feels like "been there, done that" and because of that I really just felt bored most of the time. Even a lot of the action scenes feel repeated. This is at least the fifth time I feel like I've seen Bond on skis. This isn't a bad film by any means but I definitely feel like I would have enjoyed it more if I wasn't watching in a marathon. So saying that I will state that this review reflects my current viewing and that I could come to like this movie a lot more in the future but currently it just seemed like another cookie cutter Bond movie. None of the villains were memorable but what was memorable was the fact that they got the upper hand on Bond numerous times which fits into my point of view of this being an older Bond. He's just not on top of his game anymore.

While most of the bad guys were forgettable there were actually some great characters in this movie. Columbo is an amazingly fun character in the vein of Kerim Bey. Melina is  serviceable Bond girl and I couldn't get over how much she looked like Liv Tyler but her acting was kind of flat. I will say due to HD there is a moment where you get to see her butt when they get pulled away underwater. Score. Q also had an expanded role in the film, basically taking place for M's absence as Bernard Lee was very ill at the time and died shortly after. While I did miss M I did love having more Q this time. Even though I loved some characters I have to point how pointless the character of Bibi was. She contributed nothing to this movie and her acting was so painfully bad. She had no reason to be in this movie. The faceless Blofeld stand in honestly did a better job than her. Even when she's present at the end fight and has the chance to be a damsel in distress she isn't even utilized for this reason. Just a pointless character.

This film wasn't all bad. There were some decent action scenes though some were hindered by the older Roger Moore. A lot of great stunt work which just always looks so good in these older movies with actual actors vs the modern CGI that would be used today. The plot is good because it's based on another great Bond plot, but that is it's true failing because we have seen it before. While it wasn't as good as From Russia With Love it is a serviceable plot and much better than the previous Moonraker plot. Honestly everything about this is better than Moonraker so that's a plus. My biggest gripe with the movie is just how bored I felt so for my ranking I'm going to give it a two out of five but I definitely want to come back to this movie after I get some distance from the series because I feel like in a bubble I might enjoy it a lot more.

007 Journals: Moonraker

Hey, you know what was popular and exciting in 1979? Star Wars! Now up until this point Thunderball was my reference point for the worst James Bond film. That has since changed. Now I know there a lot of people who love this film, whether ironically or not. Since everyone pretty much knows what's up with Moonraker I thought I would take a little different approach to it. I'll still include a review but I will say no matter how you look at it, this is a bad movie and is most definitely a representation of the time it's made. Everyone knows that this was a direct response to what the phenomena Star Wars became. Now I was born in the late eighties and therefore was not around when this movie released. I have heard a lot about the legacy of this movie so I knew the sort of things I would see but I didn't know what to expect. I would also like to point out that I am on record as saying I am not as big a fan of the campiness of the Bond series. I came to this with fresh eyes for the first time in 2015 and my thoughts will reflect it as such.

Now this film was coming off of The Spy Who Loved Me which is a film I enjoyed very much. It had a couple over the top moments but still manged to pull off a fairly serious spy movie. We even saw Bond with a little aggressiveness as he excessively executed Stromberg with multiple gun shots. Moonraker pretty much immediately throws out all seriousness. I thought maybe I was going to enjoy my time during the cold open. It's a great stunt, all done with real stunt actors, that involved Bond jumping out of an airplane and trying to snatch a parachute off a bad guy. Then out of nowhere Jaws is there too. Now I thought Jaws was kind of awkward in the previous film but overall I loved him. He felt imposing and like a slasher movie villain. An unstoppable force. This time however he's played up for comic effect. Every encounter he has with Bond ends with him almost dying but surviving miraculously and brushing himself off. It felt so much like a cartoon that this could have easily have been a Loony Tunes movie and is the Bond film that has the most felt as such. It is happy to note that Jaws finds love in a busty blonde as we all hope to one day.

Now Roger Moore was the oldest actor to play James Bond and in his fourth outing I am really starting to notice his age. Granted he does look good for his age but he does seem a little more tired this time around. Luckily he is still charming as 007 but it's becoming less believable when he seduces every woman he comes across, and I do mean every woman. I don't think there's a woman that he has a serious interaction with in this film that he doesn't bed. It's almost becoming a parody of itself at this time. Honestly what hurt this movie the most for is how much it sticks to the Bond formula which is something that has just happened too many times in a row . I know that's what a lot of people like about these early movies and I'm not saying it can't work, The Spy Who Loved Me was very much a by the numbers Bond film but it was just pulled off so much better. Honestly all of the Roger Moore films have felt similar and maybe if I was watching them with years separating them I would feel differently but I find it hard to imagine living in a world where Star Wars has happened and then seeing this and feeling it was even close to the same level.

Honestly I never felt so bored watching a movie and really the only other movie in the series that felt this boring was Thunderball but I feel like I could give Thunderball another shot. Moonraker not so much. I'm not sure if they were aiming to replicate Grand Moff Tarkin with Drax but he was just as flat as anyone could be. I don't think I ever noticed him without his arms crossed or behind his back throughout the entire movie. He was monotone and deadpan through his entire performance and just not believable as a Bond villain. Not to mention his plan was identical to the previous villain Stromberg only instead of creating an underwater society it was a space one. Drax is easily my least favorite Bond villain to date.

If I wanted to get into the specifics of this movie I could be here all day. I'll just throw out a lot of the obvious low points. The special effects, Bond's boat is ridiculous (and turns into a hover craft), a pigeon takes a double take look at Bond driving a boat on land, the cookie cutter plot, aging Roger Moore, Jaws as comic relief, out of place laser fight, Bond using a shotgun as a sniper rifle, the nonsensical falling into the right locations, hard tonal shifts, Bond suddenly becoming a cowboy, bad green screens, and giant fake snake. There are so many more but I figured I should mention what I did like about the movie. The fight with Drax's samurai ally was pretty brutal and fun with them just destroying a glass room. I also liked the reveal of the space station. It was some nice cinematography and miniature work. Honestly that's about it. I know this movie falls into the "so bad it's good" category for a lot of fans but for me it was just bad. I give Moonraker a one out of five.

007 Journals: The Spy Who Loved Me

Live and Let Die was a high moment for me with the Bond films. Roger Moore's first outing was great and highly entertaining. The Man With the Golden Gun was a little low for me. It had some great moments but overall was a campy mess that is barely surpassed by it's great opening and closing. The Spy Who Loved Me brought things back up for me but one thing I have to point out is that this is the same movie as You Only Live Twice, which luckily was a movie I also liked. Both films start with something being stolen (a spaceship and submarine) by a villain who plans to start World War 3 and each film ends with Bond rescuing captives and two armies battling at the enemies fortress. However even though You Only Live Twice has the iconic Bond villain Blofeld in all of his Dr. Evil glory, I liked The Spy Who Loved Me a lot more.The villain was great and honestly Bond was pretty cold blooded in the way he shoots him multiple times but at least he was able to dispatch this villain this time instead of letting him get away like Blofeld. Bond actually has a couple cold blooded moments as he lets another guy just fall off a roof as well. Came as kind of a shock for Roger Moore's Bond but this movie just takes a slightly darker tone.

Now first thing I want to talk about is the competing agents aspect of the plot. I love the idea that Bond has a Russian rival who is even a female. Barbara Bach is beautiful but her acting is very stiff. I never really believed her as a spy but the script was written well enough that it didn't really matter. For an added bonus we have a side plot that Bond had killed her lover on a previous mission which really adds to the dynamic of their relationship and when it's brought up is a great moment, but sadly I don't feel like they do enough with it but the ending is satisfying with Bond just being suave. Even if it is a little ridiculous it was an added pleasure that I enjoyed. Some of my favorite parts of the movie however were the back and forth tactics they used against each other in Egypt and working together to fight Jaws. Okay now let's talk about him! I know he's a big fan favorite for henchman and I love the idea of Jaws. He's basically a slasher movie villain. An unstoppable giant with a gimmick that makes no sense. Metal teeth would be a huge inconvenience but I was willing to buy it. This guy really is treated like Jason Voorhees for most of the movie. When he first appears it's always dark with flashes of colored light and we get string music ques. He even attacks people like a vampire and honestly the slow movement towards someones neck just always looks awkward to me. This man also literally tears apart a van with his bare hands. I would love to see how Jaws would be handled today where everything would probably feel a little more real and natural. This version was a great henchman and he truly felt imposing but sometimes it was hard not to see it as just a little silly.

Stromberg is a pretty interesting villain and marks Roger Moore's first super villain. His plan is to start World War 3 so everyone will destroy each other with nuclear missiles and he can start a new society under water, as he is a reclusive obsessed with the sea. This is why it's dangerous for the world to have socially awkward billionaires. He has a pretty impressive lair on the water and honestly when some underwater stuff started happening I was getting a little worried and remembering how boring Thunderball was but this time it was all well edited and actually had exciting action scenes. In fact there were a lot of good action scenes in this movie. The underwater battler, the fights with Jaws, but the most impressive was the car vs helicopter fight. This is something you don't see a lot of in today's film making. This would have probably been CG if made today but you can't be the camera shots of the car riding under the helicopter or them driving/flying side by side. There was some great cinematography in this film but during that action scene is where it stood out to me the most. The ending battle of the armies was also the best one to date but it does feel a little repetitive at this point.

Now this film isn't perfect by any means. The submarine car is pretty ridiculous but they go all in with it and make it look pretty believable so I'm willing to forgive it. I did like how we don't hear Q tell Bond what it does but we see him showing him from Barbara Bach's perspective. Jaws is a great henchman but just a little on the goofy side as far as the scene direction. This might also be one of the most schizophrenic scores I've ever heard where it goes from serious orchestral score to 70's synthesizer out of nowhere and just feels out of place. I think Barbara Bach was one of the prettiest but worst acting Bond girls.A scene at the end where a motorboat launches out of the tanker looks really silly and could have been edited better, Did I mention that Jaws also bites a shark to death? Actually that was awesome in a really dumb kind of way. Although this was one of my least favorite cold opens because that parachute is absurd. The ending stinger of them in the escape pod naked is also a little cartoonish. Overall I give The Spy Who Loved me a four out of five. This is one of the good ones and the silly factor doesn't it bring it down that much.

007 Journals: The Man With Golden Gun

When I read up about The Man With the Golden Gun I saw phrases like "lowest point" and "worst Bond film" so I wasn't expecting a whole lot going into this movie. I try to keep an open opinion about each movie despite knowing their legacy and I feel like I've done a good job of that so far. I will say I was a good way through this movie and really wondering what everyone was talking about. Everything was going smoothly. Then one scene literally turned the entire film upside down and it was a steep downhill drop until it smooths out again in the last twenty minutes. It all starts with Bond grabbing and squeezing a sumo wrestler's butt during a fight. What?!

Okay, let's start positive. There is a lot I love about Golden Gun. For one more Roger Moore as Bond who I've come to love in the role. Second, Christopher Lee is a great Bond villain. I had no idea he was in this movie and I love the very idea of it, I just feel like he was wasted and wished he was in a better Bond movie. I honestly think the plot was overly written as well. The idea of an assassin that is at Bond's skill level is even more interesting if you remove the solar energy subplot. It literally has no purpose in the film and Scaramanga doesn't even explain his place in it all until the final confrontation, of which he flat out says (with a smile on his face) that he is ignorant to science and has no interest other than selling. It all just seemed forced in there. Scaramanga is a great villain and even though Knick Knack creeped me out as much as the Leperchaun did as a child he is a great henchman. I just would have rather have seen a lot of Bond vs Scaramanga because spy VS. assassin is a much more interesting story. The scenes with Bond and Scaramanga talking back and forth at the end were easily my favorite part of the film.

Both Bond girls in this movie are beautiful but Agent Goodnight is a ridiculous name (in keeping with other ridiculous Bond girl names. I'm looking at you Christmas) and she is honestly the worst agent I've ever seen. She is barely a step above damsel in distress. I miss Tracy from On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Scaramanga's mistress was a much more interesting character and I honestly felt bad when she was killed off. She served the plot and it was a role played  well by Muad Adams. One thing I should note is that this is the first time that Bond has blatantly used sex as a spy tool to the extent you later see in Casino Royale and I thought that was interesting. This is also something that I have failed to mention in any of my previous reviews but I love Bernard Lee as M. He has been better and better with each film and really shines in the scenes where M is just tired of Bond's shenanigans. He's great as M and I love his few scenes in this film probably more so than any of his other appearances.

Okay, I've said enough good things about this movie, now lets get into the bad. First off, the sumo wrestler fight is just a ridiculous idea and was probably thought of on set. Just have Bond grab his cheeks and give him a wedgie. Well that was a terrible idea fellas. While not necessarily a bad thing but I did notice this was more of a risque Bond movie. A lot more naked women barely covered and with the HD upgrade to these films you see a lot more nipples that were before hidden behind grainy or dark video that are now clear as day. Go back and watch Diamonds are Forever for full nipple on Plenty O'Toole. Some of these movies could probably get an R rating now if they were re-rated. The horrible cherry on top of this film is the return of the most stereotypical and awful character in a Bond film (the first time a side character has made two appearances I believe) is the American sheriff J.W. Pepper. Holy shit they just had to bring this guy back again. Running into Bond on his vacation feels right out of a Loony Tunes cartoon and it is just awful. Not to mention he gets crammed into another pretty good car chase (last time was boats I know) which is complete with a pretty impressive stunt where the awe is completely crushed by the presence of slide whistle! UGH!

Seriously the time from sumo butt grabbing to Bond vs Scaramanga almost kills this entire franchise and is easily the quickest drop of enjoyment in any film I've ever seen. The silly factor just goes out of control for too long and too close together for almost the entire middle of this movie. Luckily there are some great aspects of this film with the whole Bond vs Scaramanga plot line, but literally everything else could be cut out for a more enjoyable film. In good conscious I can only give The Man With the Golden Gun a 2 out of 5. Solid performances and there's a hint of a great film here but the middle drags it down.

007 Journals: Live And Let Die

Hey, you know what was really popular in 1973?  Blaxploitation films. Luckily Ian Fleming wrote a Bond film about a black cartel. Well we are in the thick of it now. The Roger Moore era. I have seen very few Roger Moore Bond movies, just bits and pieces of different films over the years, so this was my first time watching a whole film with Moore as the titular character. I know that the Moore films are where the franchise really starts to veer off into obscure humor and silly gadgets so I was going into this first movie expecting an immediate drop from the last one. Honestly though, I thought this movie was great. Now it's not perfect. There are a lot of things from the time period that stick out. For one, this movie takes place in Harlem and Louisiana and focuses on a black voodoo based cartel in the 70's. In one five minute span we hear the phrases jukebox (in reference to a radio), pimp mobile, cue ball, and honkey. This, more than the previous, really feels like a film reflecting what was popular at the time.

Honestly this film has two completely absurd moments that leave me with the biggest groan I've ever had. Let's just get those out of the way now. First is the alligator hopscotch scene. Oh man! This scene was going so well but I knew it was coming. Bond out on the rock is actually a great tense moment. The alligators and crocodiles were legitimately terrifying when they were crawling on the rock. I think it helped that I knew he was about to run across the backs because honestly I was waiting for it the whole time and when it finally happened it didn't seem as bad as I thought. But MAN was that not a good idea in a script. If anyone can tell me if this was in the book I'd love to know. The other moment, Kananga blowing like a balloon and exploding. HOLY SHIT WHAT A DUMB MOMENT. This honestly knocked an entire star off my rating alone. Whoever wrote this moment, even if it's Ian Fleming, bad writer! Stop that!

I loved Roger Moore as Bond in his first outing. He was a lot more charming and serious than I expected. This film wasn't as outlandish as I know the series gets so maybe that has something to do with it but so far I give a big thumbs up to Moore as Bond. He feels very earnest in his portrayal and lives up to what I would picture from the books just as much as Connery does. Also I will say that Solitaire played by Jane Seymour is my second favorite Bond girl after Vesper. She is beautiful, I love her character, and it blew my mind that she was the mom Kitty in Wedding Crashers. Like wow! Really all of the performances in this movie (the serious ones anyway) are fantastic. Yaphet Kotto is a great Bond villain and plays right into the role. Honestly all of the worst performances come from the over Americanized stereotypical southern police that are after Bond during the boat chase. That is some embarrassing stuff.

The plot is fairly solid for a Bond villain. Kananga is producing heroin that he is going to give out for free and this will drive his competitors out of business, thus allowing him to start charging and run a monopoly. Honestly makes sense in a crazy sort of way. I also love that he's seemingly a modern man but still believes in old voodoo traditions so much so that he even keeps a taro card reader on hand. This is where the film gets a little interesting. Are we supposed to believe that Solitaire really has powers and that Bond steals them by sleeping with her? Are James Bond films now incorporating supernatural elements? Honestly the film doesn't really lean too hard either way and I'm inclined to believe that it's all just people believing in superstition and over thinking. I also want to point out that there is only one gadget in this film and it's awesome. Bond's watch has a magnet and the face spins and turns into a saw. It's all plausible enough and I love when they keep it simple.

While I do think the film is pretty great there are some up and down moments. There's a lot of little things that kind of bug me like just some sketchy performances from smaller characters, the obvious racist undertones, and just those two outlandish moments I mentioned before. Also it was impossible not to notice how much Ford sponsored this film because almost every car was the same. Aside from Oddjob I think this is the only real appearance of a henchman with a gimmick, of course referring to the man with a metal arm. Other than that, Moore is actually really suave as Bond. There is also an amazing boat chase in this film that is actually pretty lengthy. Now that I think of it there are two great chases in the film because even the chase in the double decker bus is rather entertaining. I also loved the score and that Paul Mccartney song is one of the best Bond songs. Honestly I liked this film worlds more than I would though so I'm going to give it a four out of five. Great but not perfect.

007 Journals: Diamonds Are Forever

Oh Sean Connery, I really took you for granted. I admit I was getting pretty tired of Sean Connery, who was caring less and less, as Bond but after suffering through Lazenby I was happy to be back to someone more suited for the role. Honestly he felt more into it this time around too but maybe that was because it was one film and Connery receive a record making (for the time) 1.2 million dollar salary. That's 6 billion dollars today because that's how inflation works right? Well coming off of On Her Majesty's Secret Service Bond was in a dark place. He had a grueling battle with his arch nemesis only to have him return and kill his wife on their wedding day, only for the film to abruptly end before we see Bond getting any revenge. A dark (kinda awesome) and odd ending for a major film. I can't imagine how audiences at the time reacted to it and I assume it didn't help the reviews any because at least for us we have hindsight and know there's a next film. Back then they had to wait and see what happened. Now we enter Diamonds Are Forever.

I've heard a lot of mixed feelings on this film, either a love it or hate it relationship mostly, and I can say from the beginning I was skeptical. This movie has one of the strangest openings I've ever seen and comes off almost like a cartoon. We open with Bond on a revenge spree trying to track down Blofeld. I love that they didn't mess around and went right into Bond wants revenge, even though we get no mention of his dead wife or anything like that. For all we know Bond wants to kill Blofeld because he ruined his coffee maker. Good thing we saw the last film. The director decides to not show us Bond's face until he's well into his fist punching for information so we get a lot of awkward scenes of bad looking punches and reactions. Maybe this was to offset the idea that it wasn't Lazenby anymore so there may be some disconnect. This all leads to just one ridiculous moment. We now have another new looking Blofeld due to some extensive plastic surgery, and this is probably my favorite incarnation of the character. I like his look and hes the most competent, but then Bond automatically drowns him in this mud he's laying in. Then we find out that Bond only killed a double so then he has to kill the real Blofeld by throwing him into a steaming mud pit. This is just a ridiculous opening and we might as well skip ahead (assuming you've seen the movie) and say that this is all pointless since Blofeld ends up being the main villain of the movie anyway. Bond kills two body doubles in the beginning and even at the end we get another body double with the real Blofeld. I just don't see the point in the opening swerve. You could argue that yeah you think Blofeld is dead and won't be in this movie but the end throws all of that out the window. Though I do really like the banter with the two Blofelds at the end despite them using the same trick they already did earlier in the movie. The ending encounter in the Whyte House is great. Let me just say this though, I'm more willing to believe in DNA Therapy than all this plastic surgery. We'll get there.

Honestly I actually really enjoyed this film. A lot more than I ever thought I would given its reputation. I know it's the last official Connery (I will be watching Never Say Never Again when I get to it's release year) and I know the Roger Moore films deal more in the camp and silliness that I'm not a huge fan of so maybe it was just Connery's last hoorah that made me like the film so much but I think there is plenty of enjoyable moments and aspects. The first thing I'd like to point out are the henchman Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd. These two guys are weird and creepy and I love them. Two great henchman and while they are stated as being homosexual in the book they don't specify in the film but it's clear there's something going on with these two. Their sideways glances and just the way they talk to each other, it's clear love is in the air. One character I did have issues with was the Bond girl Tiffany Case. Actually both Bond girls were fairly intolerable. Plenty O'Toole is rather pointless to the plot other than looking beautiful and uh . . . plenty. Tiffany Case is serviceable but honestly has some of the worst lines I've ever heard. Her whole distraction dialogue at the gas station is awful and telling a small child to blow up his pants? What? What does that even mean?! She plays her character well but there really isn't much character there. Even Bond calls her a stupid twit which is kind of a funny moment. She also has a very pointless scene with Q (who she just inexplicably knows?) as he is committing crimes in Vegas casinos.Maybe Q was the real villain all along!

This might be the first time since Goldfinger that a villains plan actually gets anywhere in the grand scheme of things which was kind of nice. However this also marks the about the third time in a row that we end the film with one army battling another army on an awesome super villain base, this time an oil rig. These are all great scenes and this one is easily in my top list but it's starting to feel repetitive. It didn't top the last one however in On Her Majesty's Secret Service. Blofeld's plan this time is to hold the world hostage and have a nuclear superpower auction. He creates a laser satellite using stolen diamonds and starts destroying nuclear deposits in different parts of the world. It's an interesting plan and he actually gets quite far into it before Bond is able to stop him. However it does give us a lot of bad visual effects. The action in this film works better when it's more personal like the awesome fist fight in the elevator and the two gymnastic girls near the end, which is an idea I love and would love to see tried in the modern era because these girls couldn't pull it off together. Also I just want to point out that Bond driving away in a moon rover is just ridiculous and why is that there?!

There is plenty of bad stuff in this film. A lot of bad visual effects, some horrible American stereotyped characters, and plenty of horrible dialogue to go around. On top of all of that though, there is a solid plot that never gets too far in the realm of ridiculous, Connery feels more earnest this time, and there are some decent spy moments. Bond climbing the tower was a cool moment and even gave me a little anxiety (I don't like heights.) This actually seemed like a movie to stay away from if you have some phobias. In this film Bond gets locked in a coffin and almost burned alive, buried alive underground, and hangs from the top of a tower by ropes. It's amazing what he survives in this film, especially with an older Connery.

Overall I give Diamonds Are Forever a three out of five. This isn't a great Bond film but I found it entertaining. This feels like one that's harder to love for a lot of fans, and I can't really explain how it clicked with me but I never felt bored and actively liked a lot of things going on in this film. I know I haven't talked about any of the theme songs really but I would like to point out that this is one of the ones I really enjoy. There are a lot of bad things with the script and production, but overall it's an okay film that I would possibly give another shot but wouldn't miss it if it never crossed my path again.

007 Journals: On Her Majesty's Secret Service

Well after the long stretch of Connery films I was finally ready for a change to the James Bond franchise. Unfortunately George Lazenby was not the change I was looking for. Now I can see why when they wanted to replace Connery that they went with Lazenby. The man looks good when he's throwing a punch or shooting a gun, but he just doesn't have the charisma or the charm to be James Bond. Not to mention Lazenby's acting talent, well there's little of it. Also I'll just go on record and say the more I had to look at his face I just didn't like it.

Now I know the general opinion of Lazenby that he wasn't a very good Bond so I'm sure I'm not alone there, but I do know of some people that legitimately like On Her Majesty's Secret Service. I can easily say that there are parts of this film that I really enjoyed but it really felt like there were two movies going on at the same time. One of these movies is actually really good. The other adds a significant arc to the Bond character and expands the Bond mythos. Now the whole marriage sub-plot can honestly just go. It is heavily featured in the beginning of the film, only to disappear until the end with little explanation. Tracy just accepts that Bond is going to be gone for a long time and then she shows up very conveniently for the plot. There's a lot of "what are the odds" moments throughout the film, even with Blofeld not recognizing Bond through his cheap disguise, even though he had him captured in the last film and got a good look at his face the whole time. At least for Bond it made sense because Blofeld had some plastic surgery to alter his look and this time around he seems less like a super villain.

Blofelds plan is also a mixture of good and bad. This time he's not looking for money, but a pardon from all of his previous crimes. How is he going to get this? By sterilizing the worlds food supply if his demands aren't met. He could even sterilize the human race if he wants. That's a pretty decent plan. How is he going to accomplish it? He sets up a clinic where they claim to cure allergies of women who work at different food sources around the globe but while he's helping them he throws in some hypnosis to turn them all into sleeper agents. What?! I was with you before but that second part, kind of ridiculous. Honestly, this is a film they could easily remake in the Daniel Craig era because there is a story here. Just lose the ridiculous parts, cut out or play down the love story and you could have a decent script. I mean a lot of things that are a big deal happen here, I mean Bond gets married, but I don't think it's needed. Especially since his wife is killed seemingly out of nowhere for one of the darkest endings I've ever seen.

Now I wasn't big on Tracy as a Bond girl at the beginning but she did grow on me by the end. She is the first Bond girl that I can remember holding her own in a fight. Well as far as the ones that aren't initially a villain. Lazenby however is just the weirdest version of Bond I could imagine outside of a parody. One scene the man is sitting while reading a Playboy magazine. Just so weird. He keeps the same tone of voice through the entire film and there's really no acting happening unless a punch is being thrown. He has a good throwing a punch face. I just can't believe him as Bond. Honestly after You Only Live Twice I was completely ready for a new James Bond, but about halfway through this movie I was glad that Connery is back in the next one.

There are at least some great action scenes. A pretty awesome car chase through the snow was highly enjoyable. The end battle is also fantastic. Blofeld has a great looking fortress and having it get stormed by a criminal army in tune to the James Bond theme was easily my favorite part of the movie. It made me just want an audio track of James Bond's theme laid in with gun fire. While these stands stand out we do get a way too long ski chase before this and a boring and absurd bobsled chase to close the film. Just another example of "What form of transportation has Bond not used yet? Put it in this movie". The awesome scenes just barely outweigh these ones that drag the film out. I also feel I should mention that a British secret agent, knowingly marries into one of the largest crime syndicates on the planet, Mi6 agents and even M are at the wedding. They even have a line where Tracy's mobster dad and M are sharing stories of being on the opposite sides of the same conflicts. A good laugh for all of our fallen comrades we used trying to kill each other. I give On Her Majesty's Secret Service two stars out of five. It has some ideas and some great action scenes but over all it was hard to sit through. Mostly for Lazenby's wooden acting. That face too!