007 Journals: Die Another Day

Okay, we all knew this day was coming. I feel like there are only two acceptable answers for what is the worst Bond film. Moonraker, and Die Another Day. I feel like both of these movies are the ones that are most often criticized but for different reasons. To me Moonraker suffers in terms of making entertaining films. The plot is boring, the villain is completely dry and deadpan, and they turned one of the series best villains into a cartoon character, but the biggest thing against Moonraker is that it ceases to be entertaining at all. At least for me. Die Another Day, though not a good movie, has entertaining parts. Now both films could also fall into the category of "so bad it's good" and I know both films have their fans, but I can only speak from my personal preference and viewing experience and Die Another Day is the better film of the two, but it's really like comparing one dog turd to another dog turd. Now this film marks the end of the Brosnan era and exists in a post Austin Powers world and makes the mistake of becoming a parody of itself, when a good parody already exists. This film marked the fortieth anniversary of Bond and his twentieth film and the producers had the bright idea to use this film to celebrate. Honestly that's what this film feels like, one giant celebration of James Bond. However because of that, it doesn't end up being a very good movie. That should be obvious during the infamous gun barrel scene, a bullet actually flies towards the screen. (audible groan.)

Now let's start from the beginning. There is a lot of promise early on in this film. We have Bond surfing into North Korea . . . okay maybe I should take that back. The surfing part is bad, it's the least spy like way of sneaking into a country and is only justified by their equipment being hidden in their surfboards. It's a ridiculous way to start the opening but it gets better. Now the opening in North Korea is the tone that this movie really should have stuck with. The idea of Bond being betrayed and stranded in an enemy country, only to be released because he's thought to have been leaking information is a brilliant idea for a plot. First of we just have ignore the Madonna opening song which is easily one of the worst Bond songs but also the first time that the plot is driven during the opening song. Honestly this opening is one of the best parts of the film and if they stuck with it, could have been a film as gritty as Casino Royale will end up being. Things just go downhill so fast. Now I know a lot of people are critical of Diamond Face (I know his name is Zao but I'm going to call him Diamond Face) but honestly I like him. It's something that we've never had in the Brosnan era which is a villain with a look. Trevelyan had burns on his face but that's nothing compared to a guy with freaking diamonds blown into his head. He looks awesome and even creepier later in the film when he's stuck halfway through his DNA therapy.Rick Yune is a competent actor and plays the role well and it's nice to have a weird villain with a quirk. Granted that quirk is just stuff blew up near his face. The closest Brosnan has had to a villain like that is Renard who can't feel pain, which is honestly a better character. This whole movie just feels like a throwback which I think was their intention because of the anniversary. It's just overwhelming. There are so many references to the past films (too many to mention so  here's a link) that the whole movie just becomes a self referential mess. Bond even picks up the book that Fleming based his name off of. Now that's meta.

Now I've always said Brosnan is one of my favorite Bond's but I wouldn't defend him in this movie because of one scene in particular. After he's rescued from North Korea and has the scene with M that's supposed to be really tense and they believe that he is leaking information, but the scene is totally ruined by the fact that Brosnan is speaking in a full blown Irish accent. Like he just forgot how to act as Bond or something. I wonder if this was the first scene shot or maybe a reshoot but it just pulled me out of the movie immediatly, which is not good for a scene in the first twenty minutes. After this scene he is totally fine but I just don't know what happened here. It's like he knew this movie was doomed and just didn't care although it was the highest grossing Bond film until Casino Royale. Just think about that for a second. Okay now about the rest of the cast. I love Rousmand Pike. If you haven't seen Gone Girl yet, go watch it for her alone. She's incredible. She however is not as incredible in this. She's not bad, I just feel like this wasn't a role she had her heart in or that maybe it was the fact of it being her first movie but she doesn't do a whole lot to make her acting shine. She does however have a good character written for her and she pulls it off. Much more than the other Bond girl of the film, Halle Berry. I dont understand, she is an oscar winning actress. How does someone as talented, and beautiful, as Halle Berry turn in one of the worst performances since Denise Richards as Christmas Jones. I feel like both were as equally miscast. Nothing seems natural about the way Halle Berry carries herself through the action scenes. She honestly looks like someone who's acting and not like an actual spy. To think they were planning a spin off with this character.

Someone I do like in this movie is Toby Stephens as Gustav Graves. I REALLY wish that he was in another movie because he would be a great actor to play a villain in a really good Bond film. Here he's hindered by the absurd story and unbeleive premise of being a character who had their DNA changed. I think Stephens puts in the best performance of the movie, and again, I would have LOVED To have seen this guy in a different movie. Bring him back for the next Craig film. If they continue the Spectre storyline he would make a great Spectre member. Instead we see him at the end of this film in a robot suit with an electricuting Nintendo Power Glove. The plot of this movie has merit but is just overall so ridiculous. This movie clearly wants to be the Bond of the future and shows it off with it's insane gadgety. You have a laser satellite from space, an invisible car (audible groan), the electric Nintendo accessory, hovercrafts, DNA transplants, cars loaded with more gadgets than you could imagine, they really just pull out all of the stops to make this film seem a little more futuristic, and honestly Quantum of Solace did it better simply by having some fancy computer screens.

So what's good about this movie? Yes there are some good things. First off I think the opening up until the point where Bond leaves the Chinese hotel is all good. It's a solid opening that sets up what could be a great story. Bond was betrayed, now he's gone rogue, and he has to find out who betrayed him and why. This is a great set up for a great Bond story that just falls apart from this point on. Even the general plot of former North Korean soldier wants to destroy the minefield in the DMZ to invade South Korea is a great plot thread too. Somehow these two ideas and sewn together in what becomes a mess of a film. So what else is good? Honestly, the action scenes. The ones not involving Halle Berry in particular.  Okay that invisible car is terrible. The CG on it looks bad 100% of the time, it's a dumb idea, it honestly doesn't need to be invisible for an practical reason in the film, but I kind of like the big dumb car chase. This movie is riddled with some of the worst CG but that car chase manages to be the best looking action in the movie. The worst looking action scene is shortly before however when Bond is running from the giant sun laser in a speed car and then parasails on some of the worst CG water and ice I've ever seen. I also like the idea of them flying the plane through the laser beam and fighting on the destroyed plane but it's once again hindered by the horrible CG effects and the fact that Gustav Graves is wearing that dumb future suit.

Honestly going into this review I was sitting at a two out of five now I'm leaning more towards a one. Honestly though I think I'll say two because unlike my previous one out of five (Moonraker) I feel like Die Another Die is more watchable. That being said I don't think I'll ever rewatch Moonraker and this is the at least the third, and hopefully last, time I ever watch Die Another Day. I feel bad that Brosnan has to go out on this film becuase he could have been so much more if they just squeezed one more out of him but if they did that then we may never get the Craig era so I guess I'm happy for that. There's very little redeeming qualities about this film (the dialouge is bad, the script is bad, the action is ruined with horrible CG, the aciting is bad) that you couldn't get out of a youtube clip and I can't recommend it as a must have to any collection. Also points off for having Madonna appear in your movie.

007 Journals: For Your Eyes Only

Well this is a movie that I have been struggling with. Moonraker very quickly killed my momentum with these films and with Roger Moore. At this point Roger Moore is just getting older and older (because that's how life works) but it just keeps showing more and more. Honestly it does kind of feel like we are just getting to Bond toward the end of his career. At this point there have been so many movies and we have seen the character evolve. We once again get references to him being married previously with the cold open starting at his dead wife's grave. So maybe it makes sense to keep going with Roger Moore but honestly I feel like the Dalton films should have been a reboot. Even the Brosnan movies could be considered a reboot because we get no mention of Bond's past or his dead wife at that point. I guess that's something to address when we get there though. For now though we focus on Roger Moore's fifth outing as Bond.

Honestly I've been thinking about this movie since I finished it and I feel really conflicted about this one. Moonraker was a really bad James Bond film. Maybe even just a bad film in general. This was actually supposed to be the next Bond film after The Spy Who Loved Me but because of the success of Star Wars we got Moonraker instead. Well Moonraker was of course a financial success but was not well received by critics so the humor and silliness of the series was toned down for this film. At least that's what they claimed but this film still had a lot of jokey moments that brought it down for me. Honestly the whole opening with a faceless Blofeld (who we haven't seen since Diamonds Are Forever) was only saved by the great helicopter stunt. Other than that it seemed rather pointless o bring the character back at all. I honestly thought he was dead after Diamonds Are Forever and I was happy with that. I guess, due to the lawsuit with McClory, Albert Broccoli decided to officially kill off Blofeld early on to prove that the series didn't need Blofeld to be successful but I feel like this could have been accomplished by ignoring the character completely.

So the idea for this movie was to make it feel more grounded in reality. The template was to look at previous successful films such as From Russia With Love and On Her Majesty's Secret Service. This shows mostly in the way that the plot is a direct copy of From Russia With Love. It all revolves around two different sides from the Cold War trying to get a device involved with deciphering codes. While the film rips off the plot of one of my favorite (so far) Bond films it just doesn't pull it off anywhere near as well. Almost this entire movie really feels like "been there, done that" and because of that I really just felt bored most of the time. Even a lot of the action scenes feel repeated. This is at least the fifth time I feel like I've seen Bond on skis. This isn't a bad film by any means but I definitely feel like I would have enjoyed it more if I wasn't watching in a marathon. So saying that I will state that this review reflects my current viewing and that I could come to like this movie a lot more in the future but currently it just seemed like another cookie cutter Bond movie. None of the villains were memorable but what was memorable was the fact that they got the upper hand on Bond numerous times which fits into my point of view of this being an older Bond. He's just not on top of his game anymore.

While most of the bad guys were forgettable there were actually some great characters in this movie. Columbo is an amazingly fun character in the vein of Kerim Bey. Melina is  serviceable Bond girl and I couldn't get over how much she looked like Liv Tyler but her acting was kind of flat. I will say due to HD there is a moment where you get to see her butt when they get pulled away underwater. Score. Q also had an expanded role in the film, basically taking place for M's absence as Bernard Lee was very ill at the time and died shortly after. While I did miss M I did love having more Q this time. Even though I loved some characters I have to point how pointless the character of Bibi was. She contributed nothing to this movie and her acting was so painfully bad. She had no reason to be in this movie. The faceless Blofeld stand in honestly did a better job than her. Even when she's present at the end fight and has the chance to be a damsel in distress she isn't even utilized for this reason. Just a pointless character.

This film wasn't all bad. There were some decent action scenes though some were hindered by the older Roger Moore. A lot of great stunt work which just always looks so good in these older movies with actual actors vs the modern CGI that would be used today. The plot is good because it's based on another great Bond plot, but that is it's true failing because we have seen it before. While it wasn't as good as From Russia With Love it is a serviceable plot and much better than the previous Moonraker plot. Honestly everything about this is better than Moonraker so that's a plus. My biggest gripe with the movie is just how bored I felt so for my ranking I'm going to give it a two out of five but I definitely want to come back to this movie after I get some distance from the series because I feel like in a bubble I might enjoy it a lot more.

007 Journals: Moonraker

Hey, you know what was popular and exciting in 1979? Star Wars! Now up until this point Thunderball was my reference point for the worst James Bond film. That has since changed. Now I know there a lot of people who love this film, whether ironically or not. Since everyone pretty much knows what's up with Moonraker I thought I would take a little different approach to it. I'll still include a review but I will say no matter how you look at it, this is a bad movie and is most definitely a representation of the time it's made. Everyone knows that this was a direct response to what the phenomena Star Wars became. Now I was born in the late eighties and therefore was not around when this movie released. I have heard a lot about the legacy of this movie so I knew the sort of things I would see but I didn't know what to expect. I would also like to point out that I am on record as saying I am not as big a fan of the campiness of the Bond series. I came to this with fresh eyes for the first time in 2015 and my thoughts will reflect it as such.

Now this film was coming off of The Spy Who Loved Me which is a film I enjoyed very much. It had a couple over the top moments but still manged to pull off a fairly serious spy movie. We even saw Bond with a little aggressiveness as he excessively executed Stromberg with multiple gun shots. Moonraker pretty much immediately throws out all seriousness. I thought maybe I was going to enjoy my time during the cold open. It's a great stunt, all done with real stunt actors, that involved Bond jumping out of an airplane and trying to snatch a parachute off a bad guy. Then out of nowhere Jaws is there too. Now I thought Jaws was kind of awkward in the previous film but overall I loved him. He felt imposing and like a slasher movie villain. An unstoppable force. This time however he's played up for comic effect. Every encounter he has with Bond ends with him almost dying but surviving miraculously and brushing himself off. It felt so much like a cartoon that this could have easily have been a Loony Tunes movie and is the Bond film that has the most felt as such. It is happy to note that Jaws finds love in a busty blonde as we all hope to one day.

Now Roger Moore was the oldest actor to play James Bond and in his fourth outing I am really starting to notice his age. Granted he does look good for his age but he does seem a little more tired this time around. Luckily he is still charming as 007 but it's becoming less believable when he seduces every woman he comes across, and I do mean every woman. I don't think there's a woman that he has a serious interaction with in this film that he doesn't bed. It's almost becoming a parody of itself at this time. Honestly what hurt this movie the most for is how much it sticks to the Bond formula which is something that has just happened too many times in a row . I know that's what a lot of people like about these early movies and I'm not saying it can't work, The Spy Who Loved Me was very much a by the numbers Bond film but it was just pulled off so much better. Honestly all of the Roger Moore films have felt similar and maybe if I was watching them with years separating them I would feel differently but I find it hard to imagine living in a world where Star Wars has happened and then seeing this and feeling it was even close to the same level.

Honestly I never felt so bored watching a movie and really the only other movie in the series that felt this boring was Thunderball but I feel like I could give Thunderball another shot. Moonraker not so much. I'm not sure if they were aiming to replicate Grand Moff Tarkin with Drax but he was just as flat as anyone could be. I don't think I ever noticed him without his arms crossed or behind his back throughout the entire movie. He was monotone and deadpan through his entire performance and just not believable as a Bond villain. Not to mention his plan was identical to the previous villain Stromberg only instead of creating an underwater society it was a space one. Drax is easily my least favorite Bond villain to date.

If I wanted to get into the specifics of this movie I could be here all day. I'll just throw out a lot of the obvious low points. The special effects, Bond's boat is ridiculous (and turns into a hover craft), a pigeon takes a double take look at Bond driving a boat on land, the cookie cutter plot, aging Roger Moore, Jaws as comic relief, out of place laser fight, Bond using a shotgun as a sniper rifle, the nonsensical falling into the right locations, hard tonal shifts, Bond suddenly becoming a cowboy, bad green screens, and giant fake snake. There are so many more but I figured I should mention what I did like about the movie. The fight with Drax's samurai ally was pretty brutal and fun with them just destroying a glass room. I also liked the reveal of the space station. It was some nice cinematography and miniature work. Honestly that's about it. I know this movie falls into the "so bad it's good" category for a lot of fans but for me it was just bad. I give Moonraker a one out of five.