007 Journals: You Only Live Twice

Well coming off of Thunderball I knew it couldn't get any lower than that (Moonraker I got my eye on you), and while I was skeptical of You Only Live Twice going in, what I felt was a mixed bag of emotions. This movie was easily worlds better than Thunderball but that isn't exactly saying much. First I will just start off and say that I did enjoy You Only Live Twice but I didn't love it. The first half of the film was really rocky and full of some questionable decisions. The film starts off with a silly scene in space with a rocket swallowing another rocket. Honestly though, while this kind of sillyness is what I normally don't like in the Bond series, I was willing to go along with it this time. However there is a lot of painting other cultures in a weird and misunderstanding light. We see an assembly of England, the United States, and Russia right after the space incident, and the US and Russia are painted as children pointing fingers while England is the adult mediator. Interesting. Not to mention James Bond literally becomes Japanese. Someone tells him to his face that they will train him to be Japanese (not a ninja like he is really training to be) and Bond's hair style even changes and at one point he is standing hunched over trying to look like other Japenese people around him. Wildly racist and ridiculous. I see why some people love it.

So we have been seeing SPECTRE as the main antagonist force in all of these previous films (except Goldfinger really) but now is the time where we finally meet the Number One in the flesh, Ernst Stavro Blofeld. While we have only seen his lower body and cat in previous films this is the first time we see his face, though it doesn't come until over an hour into the film. Now Blofeld this time around has an interesting plan that I don't really understand. He is bribing the worlds nations for one hundred million dollars but is really trying to start World War three, for what reason is never explained. You can only assume it's to gain control and become the new world power as the head of SPECTRE but it's never established. So Bond is in Japan looking for this mysterious rocket that stole an American shuttle and we do get some legitimate spy work. Bond breaks into an office and recovers some documents leading to SPECTRE but we do get a great fist fight in a set clearly designed for a destructive fight. There are actually a lot of solid action scenes in this movie but this first fight is easily my favorite. There is another solid, but shorter fist fight at the end and just a lot of gun play. Even from a toy helicopter shooting down full sized helicopters. I thought the helicopter fight was going to be incredibly stupid but I actually enjoyed it and the green screen work was completely solid.

This film really is like riding through a roller coaster of enjoyment. There are so many ups and downs that I wasn't entirely sure where to fall on this one. Over all I enjoyed it because there were a lot of great actions scenes, maybe even some of the best in the series up to this point, but there were just a lot of weird script moments. All of the times that someone in SPECTRE kills the opposite person that you think they are going to gets old and makes them seem just poorly managed as an organization. Maybe if they killed who they should then more plans would succeed. At one point Blofeld literally is about to shoot Bond but shoots someone next to him instead. Just pointless. This has happened in multiple movies at this point and seems more and more confusing at the series goes on. This is the first film however that really establishes the villain as a "super villain". Blofeld has a maniacal appearance, a pet cat that he strokes constantly, and literally has a base built into a volcano. But you know what? It all works for me. All of the outlandish elements in this movie are done with such earnest that it really came off as believable for me. The series hasn't quite yet reached being a parody of itself but I feel like that time is coming soon. I did also like seeing Bond work heavily with another agency which is something that does happen a few times in Bond but this is the biggest extent I've seen so far working from the beginning. 

The Bond girl this time around felt really unforgettable which was actually kind of refreshing. There was the normal sexual tones but it felt toned down and didn't really interfere with the plot. There was the one issue where Aki was killed in an assassination attempt on Bond, and he moves on in literally the next scene, but sadly that's not really out of character at this point. When Bond isn't being Japanese Connery is now just in full Scottish mode and there is no attempt to make Bond seem completely British anymore. I can't blame the guy due to his raw deal he was getting but it was definitely more noticeable this time around. I really enjoyed Connery in his early tenure as Bond but ever since Goldfinger I've been anxious to move on and see how the other actors fair with my tastes. I know Lazenby is next followed by one more Connery (or two depending how you look at it) but I'm ready for the Roger Moore films which I have a feeling will be a little more difficult for me but I'm hoping to be surprised.

You Only Live Twice was definitely not the worst film so far but it doesn't live up to the standards  of Goldfinger or From Russia With Love. Those two are easily the best of the Connery's and while this film did some interesting things, it wasn't consistent enough to make my top list. I love Blofeld as the main man running SPECTRE but his plan didn't really amount to much in this film and he wasn't even in the movie in a meaningful enough capacity. I would have liked to have seen more Blofeld and Bond together. It could have cut the running time down significantly and could have been a more entertaining movie. Overall I give You Only Live Twice a three out of five because while it's worth watching, I just didn't love everything about it. There were a lot of great action scenes and some awesome spy stuff, but a lot of bad dubbing, dialogue, and just silly plot moments. Maybe next time Bond. Maybe next time.

007 Journals: Thunderball

I don't know what went wrong. Everything was going so smoothly. The first film was what it was, a starting place, then we had two amazing Bond films but then we get to Thunderball. Now I had heard that this was one of the lesser Bond films. Naturally every film has people who love it and people who hate it, and unfortunately I fall heavily into the hate category on this one. Maybe hate is a strong word, but I was so incredibly bored during the entire run of this film that I could barely follow what was happening. The production on this movie also felt so much like a step backwards that it pulled me out of the film like the others hadn't. Coming off of Goldfinger I was hyped for more Sean Connery as Bond, but now I'm getting anxious to move on.

So right from the opening scene I suspected trouble. We get a pointless ruse with a coffin that has JB on it and we are supposed to think that Bond is in it, but then less than five seconds later we see Bond and someone literally says "JB, those are your initials" and this is just some poor writing right from the start. Then we get a fight scene with a man dressed as a woman, that's right something out of a cartoon, that could have been interesting but there's a lot of unnecessary sped up action to make things look faster and more impactful then they are. Don't worry, this is something we will see a lot of in this movie. Then we get the jet-pack escape. Okay, Bond movies are notorious for taking what ever is the newest coolest idea and putting it into the films, but the jet-pack honestly hurts this scene. I would have rather have seen Bond fight his way out then take a jet-pack about a hundred feet to a car (that then sprays really bad looking CG water at guys to knock them over, one of which has to walk into the stream since he's not in the right place) just waiting for him to take off. Then the most abrupt entry into the opening theme song I have ever seen. Easily the worst cold open for a Bond film so far.

The villains plot is pretty standard. Steal a couple of bombs and bribe the US and British governments for money. I have a few problems here. The way they go about this first of all is just insane. They have a man get facial reconstruction surgery to look like one of the men on the plane carrying the bombs so he can crash the plane where they need it. Then nothing really every happens. There's just a lot of looking for bombs but there's never really any danger. The bombs are hidden away the whole time and are never in any threat of being used. This kind of makes it hard to care or worry about anything because there's no immediate threat of danger. The main villain Largo is also just completely uninteresting and maybe one of the dumbest Bond villains to date. He knows who Bond is but they keep running into each other and he even offers up Bond his niece to take on dates. Even Bond spends needless time running into Largo. At one point Bond is flying a helicopter around Largo's house, in broad daylight, while Largo is watching, and then shows up at his house for a chat afterwards! Everyone knows who everyone is, this all seems very pointless. Through the whole movie Bond is constantly putting himself in contact with all of these people who work for SPECTRE and is somehow still surprised when a trap is sprung. This film just needed more espionage and less flirting with the enemy.

Most of the film was shot in the Bahamas and I assume most of the budget must have went to scouting locations because a lot of the other production looks awful. The green screen in the boat scenes (especially the sped up green screen at end fight) Just looks terrible and hardly matches what's going on in the scene perfect enough. There aren't many gadgets worth mentioning in the film but I did very much like the breathing device, which does resurface in another later (and again horrible) Bond film. When I said most of this movie takes place in the Bahamas, I should have been more specific and said most of it takes place underwater in the Bahamas because I would say 90% of this movie has Bond with no pants and just swim trunks, swimming around somewhere. If you ever wanted to know what Bond was like in the water then this movie  is for you! We get plenty of underwater action and even a giant scuba battle at the end which is serviceable but ultimately kind of boring. It's hard to tell who anyone is and it's weirdly silent, opting for no score during this scene, which honestly at this point was fine by me because there is one theme for being underwater in this movie and it's a song we hear so much that by the end, no score was better than hearing that again. One thing I do want to point out though is this is the first significant amount of blood in a bond film and I believe the first time Bond takes a bullet in the series. If I missed a time he was shot feel free to remind me.

One thing I've noticed with Sean Connery is that his Bond is sounding more and more Scottish with each film and in this one it was the most noticeable. I know Connery was getting pretty screwed through his tenure as Bond as far as getting very little pay increases despite the movies making hundreds of millions at the box office. I get the feeling he started to care less and less because of his deal with the studios. The Bond girls this time around are, as usual, beautiful and more serviceable to the plot than they were in Goldfinger, though I doubt I will remember either of them past this film. Though I did like when Fiona called him "Mr. Bond James Bond." Adorable.

This was a hard watch and I think even Dr. No was a far superior film. As these movies are all time capsules for their era, I have a hard time thinking anyone who saw this film in 1965 could have possibly thought it was better than any of the previous Bond films. Everything is just so cartoony in this film, right down to the pool of sharks that Largo keeps at his house, and even to the sound effects of the underwater scenes. I wish I had more to say about this film because I know there are people out there who probably do love it, but I just can't see myself ever watching it again. I give Thunderball one star out of five.

James Bond will return in You Only Live Twice.