007 Journals: Die Another Day

Okay, we all knew this day was coming. I feel like there are only two acceptable answers for what is the worst Bond film. Moonraker, and Die Another Day. I feel like both of these movies are the ones that are most often criticized but for different reasons. To me Moonraker suffers in terms of making entertaining films. The plot is boring, the villain is completely dry and deadpan, and they turned one of the series best villains into a cartoon character, but the biggest thing against Moonraker is that it ceases to be entertaining at all. At least for me. Die Another Day, though not a good movie, has entertaining parts. Now both films could also fall into the category of "so bad it's good" and I know both films have their fans, but I can only speak from my personal preference and viewing experience and Die Another Day is the better film of the two, but it's really like comparing one dog turd to another dog turd. Now this film marks the end of the Brosnan era and exists in a post Austin Powers world and makes the mistake of becoming a parody of itself, when a good parody already exists. This film marked the fortieth anniversary of Bond and his twentieth film and the producers had the bright idea to use this film to celebrate. Honestly that's what this film feels like, one giant celebration of James Bond. However because of that, it doesn't end up being a very good movie. That should be obvious during the infamous gun barrel scene, a bullet actually flies towards the screen. (audible groan.)

Now let's start from the beginning. There is a lot of promise early on in this film. We have Bond surfing into North Korea . . . okay maybe I should take that back. The surfing part is bad, it's the least spy like way of sneaking into a country and is only justified by their equipment being hidden in their surfboards. It's a ridiculous way to start the opening but it gets better. Now the opening in North Korea is the tone that this movie really should have stuck with. The idea of Bond being betrayed and stranded in an enemy country, only to be released because he's thought to have been leaking information is a brilliant idea for a plot. First of we just have ignore the Madonna opening song which is easily one of the worst Bond songs but also the first time that the plot is driven during the opening song. Honestly this opening is one of the best parts of the film and if they stuck with it, could have been a film as gritty as Casino Royale will end up being. Things just go downhill so fast. Now I know a lot of people are critical of Diamond Face (I know his name is Zao but I'm going to call him Diamond Face) but honestly I like him. It's something that we've never had in the Brosnan era which is a villain with a look. Trevelyan had burns on his face but that's nothing compared to a guy with freaking diamonds blown into his head. He looks awesome and even creepier later in the film when he's stuck halfway through his DNA therapy.Rick Yune is a competent actor and plays the role well and it's nice to have a weird villain with a quirk. Granted that quirk is just stuff blew up near his face. The closest Brosnan has had to a villain like that is Renard who can't feel pain, which is honestly a better character. This whole movie just feels like a throwback which I think was their intention because of the anniversary. It's just overwhelming. There are so many references to the past films (too many to mention so  here's a link) that the whole movie just becomes a self referential mess. Bond even picks up the book that Fleming based his name off of. Now that's meta.

Now I've always said Brosnan is one of my favorite Bond's but I wouldn't defend him in this movie because of one scene in particular. After he's rescued from North Korea and has the scene with M that's supposed to be really tense and they believe that he is leaking information, but the scene is totally ruined by the fact that Brosnan is speaking in a full blown Irish accent. Like he just forgot how to act as Bond or something. I wonder if this was the first scene shot or maybe a reshoot but it just pulled me out of the movie immediatly, which is not good for a scene in the first twenty minutes. After this scene he is totally fine but I just don't know what happened here. It's like he knew this movie was doomed and just didn't care although it was the highest grossing Bond film until Casino Royale. Just think about that for a second. Okay now about the rest of the cast. I love Rousmand Pike. If you haven't seen Gone Girl yet, go watch it for her alone. She's incredible. She however is not as incredible in this. She's not bad, I just feel like this wasn't a role she had her heart in or that maybe it was the fact of it being her first movie but she doesn't do a whole lot to make her acting shine. She does however have a good character written for her and she pulls it off. Much more than the other Bond girl of the film, Halle Berry. I dont understand, she is an oscar winning actress. How does someone as talented, and beautiful, as Halle Berry turn in one of the worst performances since Denise Richards as Christmas Jones. I feel like both were as equally miscast. Nothing seems natural about the way Halle Berry carries herself through the action scenes. She honestly looks like someone who's acting and not like an actual spy. To think they were planning a spin off with this character.

Someone I do like in this movie is Toby Stephens as Gustav Graves. I REALLY wish that he was in another movie because he would be a great actor to play a villain in a really good Bond film. Here he's hindered by the absurd story and unbeleive premise of being a character who had their DNA changed. I think Stephens puts in the best performance of the movie, and again, I would have LOVED To have seen this guy in a different movie. Bring him back for the next Craig film. If they continue the Spectre storyline he would make a great Spectre member. Instead we see him at the end of this film in a robot suit with an electricuting Nintendo Power Glove. The plot of this movie has merit but is just overall so ridiculous. This movie clearly wants to be the Bond of the future and shows it off with it's insane gadgety. You have a laser satellite from space, an invisible car (audible groan), the electric Nintendo accessory, hovercrafts, DNA transplants, cars loaded with more gadgets than you could imagine, they really just pull out all of the stops to make this film seem a little more futuristic, and honestly Quantum of Solace did it better simply by having some fancy computer screens.

So what's good about this movie? Yes there are some good things. First off I think the opening up until the point where Bond leaves the Chinese hotel is all good. It's a solid opening that sets up what could be a great story. Bond was betrayed, now he's gone rogue, and he has to find out who betrayed him and why. This is a great set up for a great Bond story that just falls apart from this point on. Even the general plot of former North Korean soldier wants to destroy the minefield in the DMZ to invade South Korea is a great plot thread too. Somehow these two ideas and sewn together in what becomes a mess of a film. So what else is good? Honestly, the action scenes. The ones not involving Halle Berry in particular.  Okay that invisible car is terrible. The CG on it looks bad 100% of the time, it's a dumb idea, it honestly doesn't need to be invisible for an practical reason in the film, but I kind of like the big dumb car chase. This movie is riddled with some of the worst CG but that car chase manages to be the best looking action in the movie. The worst looking action scene is shortly before however when Bond is running from the giant sun laser in a speed car and then parasails on some of the worst CG water and ice I've ever seen. I also like the idea of them flying the plane through the laser beam and fighting on the destroyed plane but it's once again hindered by the horrible CG effects and the fact that Gustav Graves is wearing that dumb future suit.

Honestly going into this review I was sitting at a two out of five now I'm leaning more towards a one. Honestly though I think I'll say two because unlike my previous one out of five (Moonraker) I feel like Die Another Die is more watchable. That being said I don't think I'll ever rewatch Moonraker and this is the at least the third, and hopefully last, time I ever watch Die Another Day. I feel bad that Brosnan has to go out on this film becuase he could have been so much more if they just squeezed one more out of him but if they did that then we may never get the Craig era so I guess I'm happy for that. There's very little redeeming qualities about this film (the dialouge is bad, the script is bad, the action is ruined with horrible CG, the aciting is bad) that you couldn't get out of a youtube clip and I can't recommend it as a must have to any collection. Also points off for having Madonna appear in your movie.